About Reading
When I wrote that two-part post for you about Wintering – which isn’t even close to a traditional self-help book – we had a little private chat about the point of reaching for such books at all. I have two main thoughts on this.
It can be summed up in one compound sentence – Reading self-help books is pointless (!!!) because you have to sink your teeth into them rather than just read them – and even then, everything depends on how you take the insights from that “deep dive” and roll them out into your daily life.
They used to be my daily companions, now I rarely reach for them. But I’ve learned one thing – they only make sense if you really dig deep. Just “reading” them is pointless.
Perhaps the best and most vivid comparison to explain this approach is treating a self-help book exactly like a foreign language textbook. Imagine picking up a textbook, reading it from cover to cover in one go, and then getting angry because you can’t strike up a conversation on the street. You can’t, because that’s not how it works! You have to go step-by-step, in chunks, doing the exercises, reviewing the material, and pouring a ton of focus and energy into every lesson. And then, whatever we think we know and have mastered, we try to apply in daily life – in conversations, by reading articles or books, or watching movies and series. If we don’t refresh and refine those skills, an unused language is mostly forgotten, and we’re back to square one. If a self-help book is going to work, only a very similar approach can guarantee it.
So, let’s break this down.
How many people pick up a book that is theoretically supposed to turn their lives 180 degrees, read it, put it down, and decide that “starting tomorrow,” they’ll definitely change this or that? When that mythical “tomorrow” comes – or better yet, the proverbial “starting Monday” – it turns out we know what needs to be changed, but we don’t really know how to go about it in practice. Disappointment, frustration, anger at oneself. Any or all of these feelings might show up. A week later, we conclude it was a stupid book, a waste of money – after all, it changed absolutely nothing in our lives. In fact, it just made us feel worse because we feel somewhat helpless and aimless.
Is it the book’s fault? The author’s? Neither. It’s the fault of the wrong approach, because a book intended to change something cannot be read like a novel. What does that mean?
First of all, when we buy or reach for a book that has sparked some emotion in us, and we feel like changing something in the area it describes, let’s ask ourselves: do we have about two or three weeks to spare? Because that’s roughly how long we’ll be working with it. This isn’t a two-evening adventure.
This isn’t the place for it, but I’ll probably tell you one day that the type of book matters. There are “academic” ones – you can spot them by the number of pages at the end filled with bibliographies and footnotes. And there are more “accessible” ones, where the theoretical layer is kept to a minimum. You can get a lot out of both, but only you know if you need straight facts or if you also like to know the “why” behind things – the psychological theories or the principles of biology and chemistry involved. But that’s a topic for another post.
So, we’ve admitted out loud that we have the time, the will, and enough headspace to immerse ourselves in a topic for a while, and we’ve chosen our book.
Now, to that book, we add: pens, a pencil, colourful sticky notes, a substantial notebook, and anything else you think you’ll need to mark the important bits and jot down not just the content, but also whatever starts swirling in your head as you notice those key points.
And here is a crucial moment many people skip – peek at the table of contents or the introduction. They often describe what’s coming in the following chapters, giving you a roadmap of what lies ahead – which topics appear, in what order, and what might immediately strike you as vital. Why do this? Because it reduces “reading anxiety.” It stops you from galloping through the first half just to find the “important stuff,” and you won’t spend the whole time wondering if the author will ever address your main concern. You’ll know they will – just not right at the start.
Now, the real work begins. Read and mark what’s important. Do it directly on the pages (if that doesn’t clash with your reader’s soul and the book is yours) or use colourful sticky notes in the right places. Jot down quotes that move you and questions that pop up. You might find yourself nodding in agreement (“That’s so me!”) or picking a fight with the author (“What total nonsense!”). You’ll come back to these notes later to see if you still feel the same way by the end. Make sure to mark everything that makes you uncomfortable, everything you strongly disagree with or that even makes you angry – these are usually the areas and issues that require the most work.
If you’re using an e-book, either take advantage of digital highlighting and note-taking or decide that handwriting offers more benefits and simply keep extensive notes in a notebook. Keep in mind that what you put on paper tends to stick to the brain better.
When a chapter or a section ends, go back to the beginning. Open your notebook, look through your sticky notes, slogans, and exclamation marks, and write! Write down the key points in bullets. Write what you want to change. Write what touched you. Transcribe the quotes that should stay with you for longer. Just write! Ideally by hand, because your brain processes this kind of content differently – more deeply – that way. And don’t be afraid to let yourself have some fun – coloured pens, washi tape, markers, extra stickers. Anything that makes the process more attractive is more than welcome.
Then on to the next chapter, followed by more notes.
In these notes, try to immediately see the material as food for thought and a basis for decisions: what, how, and when to implement it in your daily life. After all, a self-help book is supposed to change something! Write down what might work, what will be easy, what will be hard, and what you might need to make it happen. It’s good to highlight these specific notes somehow, as they will be the most important thing later when creating your action plan. You could even keep them separately, in a different part of your notebook or a different journal entirely. Or simply write them in a different colour or inside boxes. These will be your “operational” notes – the foundation of your plan.
Can you see the difference between just reading and truly sinking your teeth in?
When you finish reading, marking, note-taking, and preliminary planning… that’s actually just the beginning. Only now does the real work with the book start. You might need a moment to think things over, to digest certain points, and you might set it aside until the initial emotions and mental chaos settle down. Or, you might be so full of energy that you’ll want changes “as of yesterday” and jump straight to the next step.
The next stage is preparing an action plan. Reach for those “operational” notes – your preliminary roadmap – and start refining them. Decide which changes you want to introduce first. Break them down into individual steps with a schedule for when you’ll tackle them. Write down what you want to achieve through each change. What is it supposed to bring you? If needed, go back to your original notes or the book itself. And remember this rather paradoxical rule: the more something makes your “bristles” go up, the more attention you should give it.
So, what? Is that it? We have a plan, we start acting, so we can finally put the book back on the shelf? Not quite!
Now comes what is truly most important in the long run: taking action, evaluating the results, figuring out why something isn’t working, and celebrating successes. It also involves adjusting plans or schedules when something fails to stick. Perhaps even reaching for additional materials. And once again, noting down what’s happening – what you’re thinking, what’s working out, and what isn’t.
By now, you surely understand why I asked if you have two or three weeks to sink your teeth into a self-help book. But it’s worth it. With such an active way of reading and implementing the insights you’ve gained, there’s a real chance of making a change – not just for a week or three days, but for much longer, maybe even for a lifetime.
In this text, I mentioned two posts related to Wintering, which you can find linked below.
It’s also worth checking out the post on handwriting and its benefits, as it’s closely tied to today’s topic.
Aga J. Mackiewicz
for Intensive Chapters
A human, not artificial intelligence, is always responsible for the substantive content and final form of all texts on this website. No text is the result of any advertising partnership. All content represents our own, sometimes subjective, opinions, and no payment has ever influenced them. Photos used in the posts are our own, while graphics are created with the help of AI tools.